Crying Babies

As precious and adorable as your new baby girl may be, you’ll soon discover that she has a mighty set of lungs that can shatter the household calm without warning, day or night. The first cry after birth fills your newborn’s lungs with air and expels any fluid. By two to three weeks of age, infants typically start to develop a type of fussy crying. Most babies have a fussy spell between 6 and 10 .. (just when you are apt to feel most frazzled) and sometimes it worsens as the evening goes on. After that, babies cry for many reasons: they are tired, hungry, bored, wet, uncomfortable—or for no apparent reason at all. Your instinct to go to your daughter when she cries is nature’s way of making sure she learns that she is loved and cared for. So don’t let well-meaning family and friends tell you that you’ll spoil your daughter by picking her up when she cries. Charles Schaefer, Ph.D., a child psychologist and author of dozens of child-rearing books, says that when a parent responds quickly to a baby’s cry in the first few weeks of life, the newborn feels nurtured. “For the first six months, it is unlikely you will spoil your daughter by swiftly responding to each cry or by surrendering to your impulse to cuddle and comfort,” he assures us. “During this time many babies need a great deal of comforting to help ease the transition between intrauterine and independent life. Also, these babies donot have the ability to make the mental connection that enables older children to reason, ‘If I cry, I’ll get my own way.’ Infant cries can, and should, be answered.” Here are a few soothing techniques that Dr. Schaefer recommends for calming a crying baby: Physical Contact: Pick up and cuddle your daughter as often as you like. Remember, for the first six months, you will not spoil her by giving her too much attention. In fact, babies whose cries are answered promptly in the first three months tend to cry less later on that those whose cries were often ignored. If your daughter calms when you carry her, but you can’t carry her all day long and get anything else done, use an infant sling to keep her close to your body while you move around, getting on with your own activities. Rhythmic Motion: Many babies stop crying when in motion. Rocking chairs, baby swings, carriage rides, and car rides are all modes of movement that calm many wailing babies. Swaddling: Swaddling in a lightweight receiving blanket often restores a newborn’s sense of comfort and closeness. That’s why babies are routinely swaddled in hospital nurseries to reduce fearful crying. To swaddle at home, take one corner of a receiving blanket and fold it down six inches. Place the baby on the blanket with her head above the fold. Next, take one side of the blanket and draw it across her body. Fold the bottom section up over her feet, then fold the last section across her body. If she cries harder after swaddling, don’t persist. Some babies find it too confining. Noise: Run the vacuum cleaner near your daughter to provide a constant humming sound (don’t feel you have to actually vacuum!). The static of an off radio channel, the hum of a laundry washer or dryer, or a tape recording of a waterfall, running shower, or heartbeat are all sounds parents have found will calm a fussy baby. Comfort Sucking: Some babies have strong sucking needs unrelated to their desire for food. Their crying is often controlled by sucking on their fingers, fist, or a pacifier. (Most babies discontinue this extra sucking around age one.) If you choose to use a pacifier, it should be introduced in the first six to eight weeks (but wait until breast milk is well established after four to eight weeks if you’re breast-feeding, to avoid “nipple confusion”). Use pacifiers made from only one piece of rubber; avoid those that can come apart. (Once your daughter decides on a certain type, it’ssmart to buy a few extra you can use when one ends up on the floor or is chewed by the dog.) Don’t coat the pacifier with sugary sweeteners. This habit can cause cavities later on. Never tie the pacifier to a string that is then tied around your daughter’s neck—this could cause strangulation. Take the pacifier away from your daughter before bed or naps so she doesn’t become dependent on it for going to sleep. Pacifiers can gradually be taken away between ages six to twelve months before she grows too dependent on it. Singing: Even if you can’t carry a tune, singing in a melodic and calm refrain may have magical soothing powers. Some researchers say that certain sounds and melodies, such as lullabies, can provide reassurance for babies by creating a sense of emotional security. So sing to your daughter often to help her build this association that will provide you with an always-available source of comfort. Dealing with a fussy baby may be the most exhausting part of early parenting. It can leave you feeling helpless and like a failure, or frustrated and enraged, possibly even setting the stage for child abuse. If there’s no help at hand and you feel at the end of your rope, it’s better to put a crying baby in a safe place and leave the room, rather than risk shaking or otherwise hurting her. It is far better to get some relief before the crying pushes you to the edge. If a spouse can’t help, ask a relative to help out or hire someone for a few hours a day and get out of the house. Join a mothering center or parenting group. Oftentimes the support of other parents—or honest discussion and sympathy between you and your partner—is all you need to get through these tough weeks. Try to take advantage of those times when the baby is asleep and resting. And remember, as my mother told me time and time again, this too shall pass.