Disciplining with Love

As your daughter grows, she’ll become more mobile and assertive, but she can’t mentally understand consequences or consciously control behavior. She will invariably want to do dangerous or disruptive things, such as pulling on curtains and electrical cords, but she’s far too young to be punished for this. She has no way of understanding why you would slap her hand when she grabs hold of the curtain. She doesn’t connect a loud scolding with putting something dangerous in her mouth. And certainly, she’s too young to obey your “Don’t touch” warning. Your best approach in helping your daughter behave at this age is to distract her from potentially harmful situations with fun activities, music, or a favorite toy. When you see her cruising toward the electrical outlet, firmly say “No,” turn her body around, and grab her attention with a new game or toy. If your daughter is pestering the family dog, say, “No,” and then take her or the dog out of the room. Although your daughter is too young to completely understand what she did wrong, she will soon learn the word no. In fact, “no” is often one of a baby’s very first words soon followed by a shake of the head. At first she won’t know what the word means, but because she hears it so often, it’s easy to repeat. And it is much easier for babies to shake their head from side to side than it is for them to nod up and down, so she will respond to almost anything you say with what seems like a negative. She’s just practicing for the terrible twos when she finally knows what “no” means and likes to use it a lot. Although your daughter is too young to understand the consequences of putting her finger into an electrical outlet, she is starting to learn how the things she does affect you. Just to see how you will react, she might experiment with behaviors such as pulling your hair, biting, poking, and high-pitched screaming. If you overreact, you can inadvertently encourage your daughter to repeat the behavior—strong reactions are exciting to babies and experienced as positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Instead, if your daughter is screaming just to get attention, ignore her until she stops. When she does, reward her with hugs and kisses; rewarding good behavior can be a powerful tool for discipline. If your daughter is biting or poking, stay calm, firmly let her know, “No, that hurts,” and restrain her for a few moments. If she persists, then put her down for a few moments and explain your actions in simple words. You can best lay the foundation for later discipline by showering your daughter with love and attention. Have no fear—you can’t spoil a child this young. Use this special time of infancy to make your child feel loved and important, which will in turn teach her about feelings of love for you. By the time your daughter is a toddler and ready for firmer discipline, she will be more likely to listen because she wants to please you.