Social Development

Your daughter may not be ready yet for playdates, but she is still a very social being. You can help her get to know her family and her world by providing her with early opportunities for separation experiences and social stimulation.Your daughter may begin to show just how much she loves you— and only you—as early as three months of age. As your daughter learns to distinguish herself from others, she may cry at the sight of unfamiliar faces, and she may reject people who look different than you—eyeglasses or a beard will send some babies into hysterics. All mentally healthy children will go through a period of separation anxiety. But you can lessen the degree of upset by taking some preparatory steps while your daughter is still in infancy. Once your daughter is one month old, create regular opportunities for separation. Call upon willing relatives, find a reliable sitter, or trade sitting time with another mother so you can leave your daughter at least once a week for one- to two-hour periods. This will establish a comfortable routine for your daughter and will also give you time to schedule weekly dates with your spouse, or do something else just for yourself. Starting this routine soon after birth has advantages because your daughter won’t yet protest being left behind, and setting up regular separation time will help both you and her continue the schedule when she gets old enough to complain about your absence. Separation “games” can help your daughter understand that when you leave, you also come back. When your daughter is old enough to notice when you enter and leave a room, leave the room for a brief period of time, but maintain voice contact. Then return directly to her with a playful tickle or cuddle. Over time, leave the room for increasingly longer periods to teach your daughter that just because you’re out of sight, doesn’t mean you’ve disappeared.Peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek are also playful ways to teach the reassuring reality of object permanence. If you find yourself feeling guilty or apprehensive at the thought of leaving your baby girl, you can ease your own separation anxiety by following these guidelines: Find a capable sitter. Family members are the most desirable sitters, but sometimes they are not available on a regular basis and so you may need to find a competent, caring person you can count on. The more confidence you have in your sitter, the less worried you’ll feel while you’re gone. Never sneak out. It’s easier and faster to duck out the door when your daughter isn’t looking, but it defeats the goal of easing separation anxiety. It’s confusing and upsetting, even to an infant, to suddenly realize that you’re not around and she has no idea where you are or if you’ll be back. Let your daughter see you depart and later see you come back. It won’t take long before she learns that leaving is not forever. Stay calm. Emotions are contagious. Mothers who appear worried about separation pass this feeling on to their children. Don’t prolong your goodbyes by rushing back for another kiss. Don’t spend too much time sharing your forlorn expression and sorrowful tone of voice. Say goodbye cheerfully and then leave. Although you can’t eliminate the separation anxiety stage from your child’s developmental calendar, early separation experiences can ease the upset of this trying time. They can also teach babies avaluable lesson: When Mom and Dad leave, babies can trust other adults until they return—and they always do return. Babies need to see, hear, and touch people to learn about their world and how they fit into it. So don’t sequester your daughter in her quiet nursery; make her a part of your family right from the beginning. Bring her into the kitchen to watch you cook and prepare meals. Let her join you at dinner and listen to your social conversations. Let her partake in social gatherings, holiday parties, and outdoor excursions. Your daughter’s temperament will largely determine the degree of social stimulation she’s ready for. Your daughter may love to be in the middle of things when she is awake—bring on the family and friends, and she’s raring to go! Or you may notice that shewants only small doses of excitement at certain times of the day. To find just the right degree of social stimulation that’s best for your daughter, take your cues from her. When she is ready for social interaction by three months of age, she will meet your gaze and smile, following you with her eyes as you come and go. She will reach toward you. She will become more alert when you speak to her. She’ll also carefully watch and make noises in response to other things that interest her, such as toys, her own reflection in the mirror, or friendly visitors. New babies can also let you know when they’ve had enough attention. Crying is the most obvious cue, but they also will sneeze, pass gas, or yawn when they need to shut down for a while. She may also turn her face away from you. These signs of irritability when you’re trying to play and be social are not a rejection of you. They are your daughter’s attempts to communicate the best she can.